he hurt me, that i know

but the question is, where do i go?

high in the cloudy white skies

down in the deepest web of lies

he was an adult, i was the child

more than a year of child abuse gone unfiled

wrong in the eye of law, supposedly

and yet he still gets to walk free

no real backlash for what he's done

leaving me to feel like the only one

wanting closure, taking the blame

even though i wasn't aware that it was a game

thought of it as love, a crush blinding me

vulnerability stole my lenses to see

left alone, no end to the story

as i relive details, dark and gorey

slimy guts, like his hands on my thighs

his blood, his seed, makes my tears well up in my eyes

broken bones of structure, taken away

no home, nothing at the end of the day

a locked box, with me locked inside of it

when i find a key, it doesn't seem to fit

i'll pound and pound until the walls all shake

pushing and pushing for the lock to break

even though he's gone, he's in my mind

keeping me hostage, keeping me blind

a "victim" is what they call me

this "victim', i never meant to be

they instruct to hold my head up high

never helps, no matter how hard i try

try to draw and write, to "let it all out"

i attempt to open my mouth, tell the doctors about..

flashbacks and nightmares that take me down

i open my mouth, but nothing spills, not a sound

can't explain the pain of being forced back

some are concerned, their worry seems like a threat attack

kind souls that ask far too much

or dare to comfort me with their touch

i'll handle this myself, always do

convince my safety until i turn blue

maybe i'll soon be able to express in words

that might result in a herd of gossip birds

fear of being too trusting, too opened up

taken advantage again like some weak lil pup

locked up in a cycle that will repeat and repeat

a cage with bars of steel too strong to defeat

trapped with nothing to feed off of but memories of him

sent back to age 13, any bright light has gone dim